Subarban Ballerina

I'm very sorry that I haven't updated in awhile, life has been so extremely busy.
Since I've last updated, I've been with Taylor a ton. And I've fallen in love with him. Taylor James Rash; a.k.a. The Man I Love. He is absolutely the most romantic, sweetest man I have ever known. We can have the most serious conversations about religion or our beliefs, we can cuddle together beneath the stars, we can tease each other, and be the biggest nerds in the world. His eyes are the color of sand when it meets the ocean, and it feels like he can see into my soul. His hair is the amazing color of warm clover honey. The way he makes me feel...I'm not sure I can describe it.
But I'm going to try.
When I'm with Taylor, I feel like I just woke up and remembered that it's Christmas. It's like the sun is warming my face on a breezy day in early October. I feel like I'm going through a loop-de-loop on a roller coaster and my heart is doing somersaults in my chest. I feel like a five year old and I can be as silly as I want with Taylor. He makes me love those little butterflies that flutter around in my stomach whenever he kisses me. His smile lights up the room and I love the way it lifts my heart. He makes me see the beauty of God in everything and appreciate all that I have.
Taylor James Rash is simply amazing.

Much Love <3,
Alyssa Marie

The twists and turns life takes in just a short amount of time is enough to disorient anyone. It's certainly disorienting to me at least. How does so much change in such a short amount of time?
You see, my boyfriend is incredible. And yesterday he discovered that he can completely be himself around me, no matter how geeky he is. I'm glad he discovered this, because now we don't have to worry about awkwardness, or having to impress each other. He's so funny and cute, and a total nerd. And I love that about him. :) He likes that I love Lord of the Rings. I get to be a nerd around him!!
Taylor is so accepting with everything. He doesn't really like that I'm friends with Zack, but he's not going to tell me no. He realizes the importance of the friendship Zack and I have.
I'm falling for him, I really am. He's funny and absolutely amazing. :) And I'm falling hard.

Much Love <3,
Alyssa Marie

The reason the title of this post is what it is, is because I'm listening the song Without You from the musical RENT. It's such an amazing song. I think I'll post the lyrics!!

Without you, the ground thaws
the rain falls
the grass grows

Without you, the seeds root
the flowers bloom
the children play

The stars gleam
the poets dream
the eagles fly
without you

The Earth turns
the sun burns
but I die, without you

Without you, the breeze warms
the girl smiles
the cloud moves

Without you, the tides change
the boys run
the oceans crash

The crowds roar
the days soar
the babies cry
without you

The moon glows
the river flows
but I die without you

The world revives
colors renew
but I know blue
only blue
lonely blue
willingly blue
Without you

Without you, the hand gropes
the ear hears
the pulse beats

Without you, the eyes gaze
the legs walk
the lungs breathe

The mind churns
the heart yearns
the tears dry without you

Life goes on
but I'm gone
'cause I die, without you
without you
without you
without you.....

Isn't that an amazing song? Gah! I think so. It makes your heart wrench.

Alyssa Marie

Oh man, the last 24 hours has been....extremely too dramatic. I hate drama, I hate how drama brings out the worst in people. I can't stand it, I really can't. Luckily, I have a new amazing guy in my life who makes me feel so much better whenever I'm upset.
Somehow, when I'm with Taylor I feel so much better. We can talk about anything and everything. I can be completely honest with him and not feel like I'm going to get judged. :) It's amazing. And he trusts me! He trusts that I'm not going to go back to my ex and I'm not going to cheat on him. He's just amazing. I feel safe, we have similar goals and beliefs. :) Yes, I think this is the beginning to something big.

Today I had to go to my first Driver's Education class. It was...nauseating. Today we had a Trauma One nurse come in. She was part of a program called Nurses Talk Tough. We watched video clips of people getting hit by cars. We watched slide shows showing people before and after car accidents. I saw a picture of a guy with brains coming out of his nose. It was so disgusting that I had to put my head on my desk and shut my eyes. I don't usually get sick when I see gory things like that. I don't think my little sister will be able to sit through it, she gets sick when she has a tiny cut on her foot.
So that was my day. It was long and hard. But I'm feeling better now. Thanks to Taylor. Okay, I'm going to go get on facebook, more later.

Much Love <3,
Alyssa Marie

People often second guess themselves, they often question their own judgement. And when that happens we tend to rely on our friends to assure us that our judgement is right. I hate when friends doubt our judgement just as much as we do. Why do people feel the need to have approval from....well, anyone.

Approval. It's such an ordinary thing, yet it controls our lives so much more than we would like to think. Will our colleges, our parents, our friends approve of our grades and after school activities? Will our parents approve of our new boyfriend or girlfriend. Will my students' parents approve of my teaching tactics?

It's crazy isn't it? That we have to rely so heavily on others when making decisions in our lives. And why do we (well some of us) feel guilty when we disappoint our loved ones or don't live up to their expectations? Life is crazy, unexpected things happen. And things happen fast, but isn't that what's good about life. And what is so strange is that the split second decisions I make that people don't approve of, I usually NEVER regret.

So then why does approval matter so much to us? To me? Should it matter?

Just my thoughts.

Alyssa Marie

These are the random thoughts that are floating around my head. Be prepared to not understand how they flow together, because when I look back on them, I probably won't understand either.

Tired. hot sleeping bag. take down tent tonight. fan. so annoying. sleep. sounds good. too bad. hmm...I'm hungry. what to eat? nah, too lazy. couch. TV. what's on today anyway? movie. ohhh. movie last night. :) that was fun. So fun. Taylor! He's fun. and cute. and sweet. Sigh. I like him lots. I'm so comfortable with him. That's not normal, usually I'm so shy around new guys I like. Oh well. Boyfriend. Taylor's my boyfriend! :D Oh yes. Good day. Swim meet. Emily. Jordan. watch. want to swim, too bad I'll be wearing makeup. I'll flirt with Taylor. Some other time to swim I guess. Oh well. cute swim suit. Need another. Two bikini's isn't enough, especially when they're both two big on the bottoms! Stupid swim suits never fit me right. Jeans. AE jeans fit perfectly! I love AE. Too bad they're so expensive...oh well. That's why we have birthdays! There's nothing wrong with gift cards! Ew. Morning breath. Mouthwash. Now. Groooosss. Need a facial. pedicure. manicure. spa day! no money. poop. massage. mmm. sounds good, too bad. can't get one. stupid money. Onyata Gorge! Should go with Em, Kaylee, and Dez. that only takes gas. Em has a car! Yipee. Zacky. I miss him. I see him next week! We're going to Harry Potter! Yay! I love my Zacky big brother. So nice. Good friend. And supportive. So is Em. And B, and Becca. :) Best friends ever. Love them. Big hugs. Mine are bigger! Haha! Ahh! No crushing me! Oh man, and I though Taylor was certifiably insane, and to think it's actually me! Maybe we're both crazy. Ahaha. Not really a surprise. Oh well. Clothes. I need clothes. Time to go shopping again! School in a month! Oh thank the lord! Time to go. Shower time, need food. Stop typing. Bye.

Much Love <3,
Alyssa Marie

So I love when everything works out perfectly. Like yesterday. I woke up at Emily's after spending the night at her house, and we did NOT want to go to dance. Yet we got up and got ready, then we headed to dance. And Haley was late, as usual. So Emily and I decided to avoid dance for a bit longer by laying down the rest of the marley floor, which took about fourty-five minutes. So it was almost ten by the time we started class. And Haley made up for the lost time by working our butts off. My back is officially bruised because my spine was grinding against the floor during crunches. Ow.

But, my back-ups are higher than ever. And my abs feel tighter, so it's all good. :)

And then we had Lyrical where Erin made us do a dance about lovers that were about to end their relationship, but we didnt have any boys in the class so Emily had to be my lover. I called her my "swan song", you'd understand if you knew the song. But ohh goodness the dance was quite lets-run-our-hands-over-our-bodies...

And then I had to get ready for the Mt. Hood swim meet. Oh man, I was gross and sweaty from dance. My hair was frizzy because I didn't blow dry it, and I had absolutely no make up on. So in other words, I was crap personified. So I put on nornal not-dance clothes and took my hair down from my pony tail, and then decided to tie it up into a half pony. I put make up on in five minutes and then Emily drove me to the pool. And thank God she came in with me to hang out for awhile.

She left me with my friend Taylor and he introduced me to some of his friends, like Jon. Taylor and I then went on a walk. We sat in the grass on campus and talked for something like two and a half hours. JUST talking, I promise. We discovered how much we have in common. When we got back to the pool, Jon teased us and didn't believe that we JUST talked. He then asked Taylor directly in front of me if we were offical yet. Poor Taylor. He handled it well though. His friends are very funny and seem quite nice. They told us they approve of what we have going on. And Jon even asked me if I had a single older sister. Haha.

Yes, yesterday was perfect. :)

Dance camp was great today. We worked on lots of leaps and had tons of fun. The picture to the left is me working on my splats. Haha, I know; it's a funny name. But you DO feel like a bug on a windshield, in the good way of course.

And then we came home to a house with no air conditioning. It's 99 degrees Fahrenheit and in my house it's 93. Oh buddy, it's hot. I hate hot. I keep taking cold showers to try to cool down. I feel sick because of the heat and I do not like it. Not fun at all.

:) But spending the night at Becca's house on Saturday was oodles of fun. We talked our heads off about boys, and the drama that always follows boys, and life, and fun things that we've done. Becca's mom made the best beef stroganoff on the entire planet. I think I had thirds... that's how amazing it was! I rarely ever even get seconds. And then in the morning Becca made me marion berry pancakes. Then we watched my last performance, Once Upon a Dance. And I made annoying little critiques about myself, because I couldn't help it. We played with her hover disc and discovered that they really DO hover and that it is quite hard to get it to go in the direction that you wish it would. And THEN I saw a sprinkler. And in our street clothes, Becca and I started skipping through the sprinkler and splashing each other and getting completely soaked. It was amazing fun.

I also enjoyed that Hannah and Taylor stopped by my house to hang out with me Saturday before Becca's. :) We talked about lots and I got to know Taylor better. It was a lot of fun.

Well, because our house has no air conditioning, I must find other ways of keeping cool. And that means that it's sprinkler time. Thank God for planting the idea in some person's head. Okay, well I'm going to go jump through the sprinkler. Ta ta.

Much Love <3,
Alyssa Marie

Hello. I am exceedingly tired. *yawn* Emily and I helped at her ex's aunt's wedding last night. Five hours straight, three of those hours were JUST dishes, no breaks. Best part; I was in heels all night. haha, that was interesting. The wedding was fun though and it was great to see Emily, because we hadn't seen each other for a little more than two weeks. And during those two weeks, we had barely talked because we were both vacationing. I missed her so much, and we got to catch up last night over the dishes and heaps of food. We each got fifty dollars. Which was pretty cool because we didn't know we'd be paid, of course we didn't know that we'd be working so hard either. We left around eleven, and got I got home at just about midnight. And then I said goodnight to my family and texted my friends goodnight and got into bed around 12:45 a.m.

And my alarm went off at 7:00 a.m. The sad thing is, that's the most sleep I've gotten all week. I was running on four hours of sleep (that's just time-in-bed, not actual sleep) a night all week, and then I got to have a little over six hours last night! It was a dream come true. The reason my alarm went off so early is because my grandma is picking me up at 9:00 to take me to a Broadway Rose play practice for Evita. It should be cool, I'm hoping it is.

And then I come home sometime around one this afternoon and pack my stuff up and head off to Becca's house! I'm spending the night there tonight. :) It should be fun. I know I'm excited at least. And she's having me bring the DVD of my last dance performance so we can watch how badly I screwed up. Haha. Oh well. Wow, it's 8:00, I better go blow dry and straighten my hair, apply some makeup, and feed the dog before my grandma picks me up.

Much Love <3,
Alyssa Marie

I would like to let it be known that I love being a dance teacher so much. SO incredibly much. I taught 7-9 year old dance camp today and my girls worked so hard. I even got to teach the top two (Madison and McKenzie) how to do beats! I don't think I learned beats until I was about ten, and they're eight! Not only did they learn them, but they were good (well, better than anyone would ever expect) at them!! And then I took lyrical and hip hop class. Lyrical was GREAT! Stellar. Hip hop was...eh. A bit boring, but that's okay but the last 5 hours had made up for it.

And now I am extremely tired. And hungry. Oh, I am soooo hungry. And I know you're thinking "well, Alyssa...stop being an idiot and go get some food." But I want to type this blog first, and then I'll make a late lunch or something. I want to take a nap too, because I would really hate to fall asleep during the 100th episode of So You Think You Can Dance. ohmigosh. Okay guys, for those of you that don't watch So You Think You Can Dance, or you missed Wednesday's show; there was a dance about breast cancer. It was danced by a ballerina (Melissa) and a contemporary dancer (Ade). This piece had the whole audience, every choreographer, the dancers, and the judges in tears. It was so amazing. If you like to see it; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EarnlRo4VXw&feature=related

Anyway. It was a great day. :) I hope you're having a good day too.

Much Love <3,
Alyssa Marie

Dance camps for the next two weeks mean no boredom, complete soreness and bruising. :) But I don't care at all. Yesterday, I walked into Mt. Hood Dance Academy and I felt like I was home again. I could smell the rosin, and I walked into studio A and saw the barre and the mirrors. What a beautiful sight, at least for me.

For the first time in I-don't-know-how-long I had fun at barre. And it was so great to see Haley, my ballet teacher, again. She's so full of life and is always there to push us even if we don't want to be pushed at the moment. And then pointe, though I wasn't at my best, went quite smoothly. At least I didn't injure myself.

There's something so magical about dance in general, but more specifically ballet. For a few hours a day, I get to be whatever I want to be. I can be a gracious fairy, welcoming a young girl and her prince into my palace. Or I can be a young girl in a dream where her nutcracker comes to life and is turned into a prince.

The top numbers in my cell phone, unlimited calling 24/7, are also my best friends.

Emily: The gorgeous goddess of dance. Lord, I love his girl. We're like sisters, we've been dancing together since I was in first grade. She's held me through some of the hardest times of my life. She has this smile...it lights up the room. She deserves the world. She's beautiful inside and out. And I love her to death. Not to mention, she's an amazing choreographer. Together, we make a dynamic duo.

Brenda: Can take any average saying and make if sound beautiful. She is probably the most honest person you will ever meet, and promises mean everything to her. I met her my freshmen year of high school, and at the end of that year, she moved back to Michigan. And sometimes I still cry, I miss her so dearly. She always makes the best out of the worst situations, and is very VERY humble.

Becca: Can see the beauty in all others, but rarely in herself, which really saddens me. This girl will make you laugh until you cry, and she gives the most amazing hugs. She is enthusiastic and embraces life with open arms. The only thing better than her humor is her heart, she sees the best in everyone. Becca is far too good for my ego. She is always saying something along the lines of "you're fabulous" or "you're gorgeous", and after awhile I think my head tends to start inflating like a balloon.

Desiree: She hates to be called Desiree, and prefers Desi. But I think Desiree Michelle is so much more pretty. She's my beautiful little sister. She turned into a young lady in the blink of an eye. I'm so proud of the girl she's become. Her heart is so big, and she's always willing to reach out to the underdogs. You can see Christ's kindness in her smile. She will try her hardest at any challenge that she faces, and she'll do it in pointe shoes! I'm so proud to call her my sister, and I'm tearing up writing this. I love you Desi.

Zachary: The only boy! Actually, my first boyfriend and first close guy-friend. I love him, and he's like a brother to me. He is always willing to teach someone about Christ and the sacrifice He made for us all. He is always willing to help strangers, and is an amazing big brother. He can always make me laugh, and he's an amazing shoulder to cry on. He gives great hugs, and SOMETIMES will let me win at Mario Kart Wii. Only sometimes though.

My first post on my re-done blog. :) Very nice. Okay well...HI!

haha. My blog will mainly consist of whatever I feel like posting. Maybe a questionnaire, maybe a favorite song, a journal entry, or me just going on about how much I love my friends and life. Most important to remember; I'm random!

Things change fast in my life, if may be hard to keep up, but I'll try my hardest to help you along the way. Hehe, this should be kinda fun!

So today I got a forward on my cell (from an unrecognized number), but it was so sweet. So, I'll share it with you.

The PERFECT guy would...

text you every few hours to see how you are doing.

tell you you're gorgeous in front of his guy friends. (Let me just say that I fully agree with this one boys)

stay on the phone with you even if you're not saying anything.

tease you, but let you tease him right back.

stay up all night with you when you're sick.

watch your favorite movie with you. (Even if, in my friend's case, it's Land Before Time.)

Won't wipe his mouth after you kiss him.

give you the world.

let you wear his clothes.

hang out with you when you're bored and sad.

let you know that you're important.

kiss you in the pouring rain.

when you run up to him crying; the first thing he says is, "Who am I beating up today baby?"

So yeah, welcome to my blog. I'm sure I'll be updating regularly. :)

Much Love <3,
Alyssa Marie