Subarban Ballerina

Homework is driving me nuts! I have been trying so hard to stay kept up in classes and such but my lord those teachers sure know how to pile it on! Tonight I have to write a paper on Healthcare in the U.S., write a speech on raising the minimum wage by two dollars for a congress simulation in Government, write a story about a photo in French, study for two Math tests tomorrow, fill out two worksheets, interview a hybrid car dealer, and write and energy report for my Green Science class.
I know they say that teachers could care less about their students lives, and I don't necessarily agree with that. I do believe, however, that teachers don't take extra-curricular activities and other classes into consideration when assigning homework. I know that they are trying to teach us time-management, but there is a point where it becomes impossible. I dance most days from 4-9 p.m. I then have to come home, eat dinner, shower and get ready for bed. OH! Don't forget your homework though, Alyssa! I have barely slept these past few days, but I hope my grades are improving.
But it's not as though life sucks, and I'm sorry if all this complaining is annoying. Dance is incredible, hard but fun. And my friends are nothing but amazing. Taylor and I are doing well, and I can't help but see the beauty in every day. I am trying to live like a better person, a better Christian. And I am officially addicted to Desperate Housewives. I come home and watch the re-runs on Lifetime as I do my homework or check my email. :) Well I suppose I should get back to whatever homework I was doing last.
Much Love <3,
Alyssa

I've started seriously looking into colleges, may I just tell you that college is way more stress than any teenager should have to deal with. But I have to find the light in tough situations, if that makes sense. I have a healthy body, a loving boyfriend, my family, my friends, I have dance, and my faith.
I know it's been an extremely long time since posting anything on here, but I've been busy living my life and honestly completely forgot about my blog. Though I doubt anyone will ever read this, I find it comforting to post blogs. I've recently discovered this awesome website called zinch.com! It's all about colleges, scholarships and such. Their line is "I am more than a test score", basically you create a profile and colleges can check you out. It's pretty cool.

I'm very sorry that I haven't updated in awhile, life has been so extremely busy.
Since I've last updated, I've been with Taylor a ton. And I've fallen in love with him. Taylor James Rash; a.k.a. The Man I Love. He is absolutely the most romantic, sweetest man I have ever known. We can have the most serious conversations about religion or our beliefs, we can cuddle together beneath the stars, we can tease each other, and be the biggest nerds in the world. His eyes are the color of sand when it meets the ocean, and it feels like he can see into my soul. His hair is the amazing color of warm clover honey. The way he makes me feel...I'm not sure I can describe it.
But I'm going to try.
When I'm with Taylor, I feel like I just woke up and remembered that it's Christmas. It's like the sun is warming my face on a breezy day in early October. I feel like I'm going through a loop-de-loop on a roller coaster and my heart is doing somersaults in my chest. I feel like a five year old and I can be as silly as I want with Taylor. He makes me love those little butterflies that flutter around in my stomach whenever he kisses me. His smile lights up the room and I love the way it lifts my heart. He makes me see the beauty of God in everything and appreciate all that I have.
Taylor James Rash is simply amazing.

Much Love <3,
Alyssa Marie

The twists and turns life takes in just a short amount of time is enough to disorient anyone. It's certainly disorienting to me at least. How does so much change in such a short amount of time?
You see, my boyfriend is incredible. And yesterday he discovered that he can completely be himself around me, no matter how geeky he is. I'm glad he discovered this, because now we don't have to worry about awkwardness, or having to impress each other. He's so funny and cute, and a total nerd. And I love that about him. :) He likes that I love Lord of the Rings. I get to be a nerd around him!!
Taylor is so accepting with everything. He doesn't really like that I'm friends with Zack, but he's not going to tell me no. He realizes the importance of the friendship Zack and I have.
I'm falling for him, I really am. He's funny and absolutely amazing. :) And I'm falling hard.

Much Love <3,
Alyssa Marie

The reason the title of this post is what it is, is because I'm listening the song Without You from the musical RENT. It's such an amazing song. I think I'll post the lyrics!!

Without you, the ground thaws
the rain falls
the grass grows

Without you, the seeds root
the flowers bloom
the children play

The stars gleam
the poets dream
the eagles fly
without you

The Earth turns
the sun burns
but I die, without you

Without you, the breeze warms
the girl smiles
the cloud moves

Without you, the tides change
the boys run
the oceans crash

The crowds roar
the days soar
the babies cry
without you

The moon glows
the river flows
but I die without you

The world revives
colors renew
but I know blue
only blue
lonely blue
willingly blue
Without you

Without you, the hand gropes
the ear hears
the pulse beats

Without you, the eyes gaze
the legs walk
the lungs breathe

The mind churns
the heart yearns
the tears dry without you

Life goes on
but I'm gone
'cause I die, without you
without you
without you
without you.....

Isn't that an amazing song? Gah! I think so. It makes your heart wrench.

Alyssa Marie

Oh man, the last 24 hours has been....extremely too dramatic. I hate drama, I hate how drama brings out the worst in people. I can't stand it, I really can't. Luckily, I have a new amazing guy in my life who makes me feel so much better whenever I'm upset.
Somehow, when I'm with Taylor I feel so much better. We can talk about anything and everything. I can be completely honest with him and not feel like I'm going to get judged. :) It's amazing. And he trusts me! He trusts that I'm not going to go back to my ex and I'm not going to cheat on him. He's just amazing. I feel safe, we have similar goals and beliefs. :) Yes, I think this is the beginning to something big.

Today I had to go to my first Driver's Education class. It was...nauseating. Today we had a Trauma One nurse come in. She was part of a program called Nurses Talk Tough. We watched video clips of people getting hit by cars. We watched slide shows showing people before and after car accidents. I saw a picture of a guy with brains coming out of his nose. It was so disgusting that I had to put my head on my desk and shut my eyes. I don't usually get sick when I see gory things like that. I don't think my little sister will be able to sit through it, she gets sick when she has a tiny cut on her foot.
So that was my day. It was long and hard. But I'm feeling better now. Thanks to Taylor. Okay, I'm going to go get on facebook, more later.

Much Love <3,
Alyssa Marie

People often second guess themselves, they often question their own judgement. And when that happens we tend to rely on our friends to assure us that our judgement is right. I hate when friends doubt our judgement just as much as we do. Why do people feel the need to have approval from....well, anyone.

Approval. It's such an ordinary thing, yet it controls our lives so much more than we would like to think. Will our colleges, our parents, our friends approve of our grades and after school activities? Will our parents approve of our new boyfriend or girlfriend. Will my students' parents approve of my teaching tactics?

It's crazy isn't it? That we have to rely so heavily on others when making decisions in our lives. And why do we (well some of us) feel guilty when we disappoint our loved ones or don't live up to their expectations? Life is crazy, unexpected things happen. And things happen fast, but isn't that what's good about life. And what is so strange is that the split second decisions I make that people don't approve of, I usually NEVER regret.

So then why does approval matter so much to us? To me? Should it matter?

Just my thoughts.

Alyssa Marie